How Do I Reconcile/Forgive?

17. April 2008 by Bernice Davis.

Okay, One more story and then tomorrow, we will return to “Blessed are the merciful for they shall receive mercy” and we will put all these stories together. 

Today, I want to talk about the proper way as Christians to handle conflict or disputes between each other.  This particular story refers to conflicts among believers and not with non-believers. 

This teaching is design to reconcile conflicts among “the body of Christ” so that as believers, we can live together in unity.     Jesus tells the following story concerning this issue. 

Matthew 18:15 ”If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. 18 ”I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

19 ”Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”

Step #1      Try to settle the dispute among yourselves privately.  When someone wrongs us, we should go to that person in private no matter how difficult it may be and we should try to work out the issues.  Yes, I know this is not easy.  Often times we isolate ourselves, or become bitter, or start gossiping about the situation, which only causes us to hold on to the hurt that was created which eventually ends up hindering us in our walk with God and in our own personal development.  A lot of times, we don’t feel that we should be the one to reach out in an attempt to reconcile because “they wronged us.”   We feel like they should come to us and apologize.  SORRY!!!!!   The scriptures teach that we are to go to them and show them what they did to us.  Sometimes people have offended us and they may not even know that we were hurt by something they did or said.   If we feel as if we have been wronged, we are the ones that should initiate the “reconciliation” efforts, even if we have done nothing wrong. 

Step #2      if they do not hear us, then we are to take one or two people with us and go to that person again in an attempt to reconcile the matter.  Sometimes, it is difficult for people to forgive and reconcile especially if both parties think they were right in the matter.  Sometimes we need an objective ear to go with us that will listen to both sides and guide us according to the word of God and help to reconcile the issue. 

 Step #3      If the party still refuses to submit to the principles of reconciliation according to the word, then Jesus says we should now expose it to the church.  Yes, we tried to handle it on our own, now we should take it to the proper “authorities “ in the church to help you reconcile with your sister or brother in Christ. 

Step #4      If none of the above works, then it is off of you.  That is all that Jesus requires of us is that we make an honest effort to reconcile.  We can’t force anyone to do the right thing, we can only obey God’s word and leave the rest in the hands of God.  Once you have honestly (from the heart) attempted to reconcile your relationship and all attempts fail, you can let it go and move on.   Many of us have moved on and never attempted to mend our relationships.  We have just counted them as losses.  Many times our attitude is:  “I wasn’t the one that did anything wrong, so they should come to me and ask for forgiveness.

NOW!!!!!  The next issue is; “How often should we forgive someone who offends us.”  Well the disciples asked Jesus this same question, let’s look at the text. 

Verse 21: Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

The phrase but seventy seven times does not mean that you actually keep track of how many times you have forgiven a person, it is simply an expression that means as many times as they sincerely come to you and ask for forgiveness.  The heart should never shut down on a person that is sincerely trying to make things right with someone that they have wronged.  Okay, I know I gave you a lot to think about today.  On tomorrow, we’ll put everything together.Make it a great day, don’t forget to pray and read God’s word daily

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